Man vs "Weiner Art" in Munich

The journey from Prague to Munich was around 6 hours. By the time I arrived I was feeling faint. I needed a decent feed. Through the maze of kebab shops, casinos and strip clubs to Cafe Mozart (http://www.cafe-mozart.info/menue.htm) it was for the schnitzel - I had read that it was a large serving.

The giant pork schnitzel (or riesenschnitzel "Weiner Art") was served on a large pizza tray sized plate. Nearly had a heart-attack just looking at it. It was 30cm across in all directions. And a mound of potatoes were hidden underneath it plus a side salad. Dear god. It was at least twice the size of any schnitzel I had eaten since being on tour. Oh well....game on.

The first quarter disappeared in a blink. It was perfectly cooked. The second quarter caused indigestion. Slow down, you're eating too fast....and stay away from those potatoes! The third raised doubts as to whether I would die during the challenge or whether I was up to it at all. Called a time-out to recompose myself. Bite by bite my cholesterol soared, death became nearer and the schnitzel was vanishing. Finally, done and dusted. Medic!!! What a welcome to Munich.

Everything that came out of that kitchen was generously sized. Recommend this place and the schnitzel challenge if you are hungry. The George Clooney of Germany sat at the table next to me - think he is a regular. Maybe you'll spot him.

Bones and Beer Cafes in Praha

One of the key attractions in Prague is the Bone Chapel (Sedlec Ossuary) in Kutna Hora, about an hour away on the rattling (fast) train. The entrance is through the very old graveyard which has many people buried on top of each other. At the door you can see down into the modestly lit chapel, all of it except the bone pyramids. It was smaller than I had expected.

I purchased the audio guide as part of the entrance fee (waste of money – didn’t say sh!te). Some time passed before it sunk in that the bones laden everywhere are in fact from real people centuries ago. In fact 40,000 are believed to have been buried in the chapel and its grounds one way of another which is quite extraordinary given the size of the area.

Basically the chapel is decorated all throughout with the bones of people whom have requested to have their remains enshrined in this chapel. 

The story goes.... in 1278, Henry, the abbot of the Cistercian monastery in Sedlec, was sent to the Holy Land by King Otakar II of Bohemia. He returned with him a small amount of earth he had removed from Golgotha and sprinkled it over the abbey cemetery. The word of this pious act soon spread and the cemetery in Sedlec became a desirable burial site throughout Central Europe.

In the mid 14th century, during the Black Death, and after the Hussite Wars in the early 15th century, many thousands were buried in the abbey cemetery, so it had to be greatly enlarged.

Around 1400, a Gothic church was built in the center of the cemetery with a vaulted upper level and a lower chapel to be used as an ossuary for the mass graves unearthed during construction, or simply slated for demolition to make room for new burials. After 1511, the task of exhuming skeletons and stacking their bones in the chapel was given to a half-blind monk of the order.

An ornamental chandelier had been constructed with every bone in the human body. Clever but not a masterpiece by any means. The four visible pyramids of bones (another one is kept underneath the chapel in the crypt) were eerie. Countless 1,000s of bodies contained in each - didn’t really know what to make of it all. Creepy, but intriguing, and it is still being used as a chapel. Many of the dead were killed during battles centuries go, with fractured skulls evidencing their abrupt demise.

One thing you will learn about the Czech Republic (and its former guises) is that it has been invaded and overthrown countless times over the centuries. There are few instances where the Czechs have successfully fought off an invasion. But to their credit, they still exist as a nation and went on to invent pilsner, the tucker f@#ker, soft contact lenses and toilet paper.

One recent event in history worth acknowledging (as it highlights the peaceful nature of the Czech people) is how the Russian communist reign came to an end in 1989 (the Velvet Revolution). This was a non-violent revolution against the communist party of Czechoslovakia. Following the successful overthrow, the acts of Jan Palach, who burnt himself alive in 1969 to protest against the demoralisation of the Czech people following the invasion by Russia in 1968 were recognised with the erection of a statue in his honour

Later that day I decided to join a beer tasting tour. I was somewhat sceptical (and hesitant) about the tour as I’d already frequented quite a few pubs and it was Saturday night so more people were likely to opt for the pub crawl tour at 8pm instead. Numbers were low (apparently a new record low), me and three couples. Interestingly one young couple was from Toronto and both were studying Opera at university. The other couples were from Germany and Poland.

Our guide Jon-Pierre, an American-German, had a booming voice that could be heard miles away. First stop was the Prague Beer Museum (Dlouha/Soukenicka Sts, just east of the main square) which has 30 beers on tap from micro-breweries around the country (was here the previous night). The beers range from your standard larger and pilsner, to amber ales, IPAs, dark beers, fruit flavoured and one that apparently tastes like dish washing liquid. The most expensive way to taste them, but the most efficient, is to buy a tasting tray of 5 or 10 150ml samples, about a euro per sample. A very popular option but sh!te for the waitress – she had to write down 32 beers between our group of seven. I can recommend the Demon amber ale.

At the next venue we had the Kozel dark beer – really like that one. Heavy on the carbs but not like a Guinness at all. The third venue was dinner and the most popular beer drunk in Czech Rep, Gambrinus. It’s a mainstream beer that was quite quaffable. Dinner was more impressive than the beer, the 1kg roasted pork knee with token salad, mustard and horseradish. Demolished! And cheap too at Kr200 = Eur8.00. And lucky last was more of a bar/club – don’t recall the beer we had. It wasn’t anything special that’s for sure.

Notable things to do and place to try:

- Whether you do this on purpose or not, walk around the old part of town and get lost along the rough cobbled streets and laneways, steering clear of the main tourist routes – these will become apparent quickly. Mind your step as the paths are uneven with many hazards.

- Take a tram north away from the city centre to either Stromovka park or further north to the botanic gardens and zoo.

- Walk across Karluv Most (bridge) to the west of Prague and make your way up to the top of Petrin’s hill for a good view over the city. Continue up and over the back of Petrin’s hill until you come to Strahov monastery (excellent views as well). Stop at the cathedral next and be sure to find the small vineyard in front of it for a great panorama of the city. Perhaps buy a bottle of beer beforehand to drink there or try their wine (not sure how good or bad it is). Great spot to watch the sunset from.

- Lokal Restaurant – seems to be a bit of an institution among locals and tourists (must be in a few guide books). Quality fare at slightly higher prices in a huge building that takes up the length of the block. Skip the spicy sausage entrée as it aint spicy at all. The roast pork with a mound of spinach and bottomless potato dumplings was very good but I was glad I ordered an entrée. Including a 0.5L beer the bill was still only A$14! A relatively expensive Czech restaurant mind you.

- For an authentic ancient Czech pub, stick your head into KRćMA on Ostecna St (near the Jewish quarter). I’m not sure how big it is as we only made it as far as the first room you enter after descending the candle flanked stairs underground. No tourists here. There small nook near the staircase had sheepskin lined seats. The wax remnants of many thousands of hours of candles burning were scattered all throughout. This would be a really cozy bar in the depths of winter, heated by pot belly fire-places (and candles).

- Steer clear of the miserable family that runs the Mystic Café on a stair case leading up to the cathedral area. Crooks. And Kr110 for a beer – you’ve got to be kidding. You shouldn’t pay more than Kr40-45 for 0.5L. Often it will only be Kr32-35.

- U Medvidka Restaurant (on Na Perstyne St). The restaurant has origins dating back to 1466. It is giant and runs like clock-work. The interior is completely decked out in wood. Huge portions of food are flying past me at affordable prices (it’s all relative). The half duck looks brilliant. I was on my last Krowns and had been told to try Kudo, a Czech dish as entrée which didn’t leave enough coin, or room in my stomach, for some duck action. So it was kudo (roasted barley with roast garlic, mushrooms and herbs – an interesting dish, needs to be eaten with something else), the pork schnitzel with potato salad (of course) and a dark beer. Definitely try this place. Another local institution.

- The Czechs don’t seem to be too adept at making cakes and pastries and the like, nor ice-cream, but if you do get a craving and are towards the south end of the city centre, head to Vaclavska (in the arcade off Spalena opposite the southern half of Karlovo Namesti, between Na Morani and Resslova). It is a local favourite and was busy with the fussy retirement crowd when I turned up mid-late afternoon. 

- For something fancy and to dine with the local elite and beautiful people, go to Katr Restaurant (Vezenska 9, www.katrrestaurant.cz). A very fine meal at comparatively good prices north of the main square, where many of the boutique shops are located. It has some traditional Czech food but with a modern twist. I had the pork chop with linguine. Good service too. Definitely try it. You won’t find any tourists with guide books or open maps here, just a nice meal.

Roasted ham at a stall by the main plaza. Buyer beware - it costs a fortune! Massive rip-off.

Saw another one of these statues in Salzburg!

Karluv Most - packed at all hours

Czech pastry - dough is wrapped around large wooden batons (on right) and cooked over coals then coated in sugar whilst still hot.

Sharp wedding suit!!

The Stag's Night

My plans for dinner and a few drinks, home around midnight so I could do a free walking tour at 11am around Berlin went awfully awry. 

Half a dozen of us left the hostel together to taste Berlin’s most famous doner kebab (Moustaffa’s on Mehringdam Str in Kruesburg area). So legendary is its reputation that it can often have a queue so long that you can wait over 2 hours for your kebab.

When we got there the line was 30+ people. At even 1 minute per customer (which is being very generous) that would take at least half an hour to get served. I aint that desperate for one of Moustaffa’s finest. No kebab is worth that wait. And besides, a souvlaki trumps a kebab any day of the week. After asking a local, we found an alternate kebab joint.

The story goes that the doner kebab was created here in Germany when the Turks emigrated decades ago. Back then the Germans weren’t interested in meat and salad on a plate so the Turks tricked them and stuffed it into a bread roll and the Germans haven’t looked back. Kebab = Meat (with salad, I think). Doner = Bread....according to the Germans. If you ask a Turk what those words mean you get a different answer. I don’t really believe the story but let the fussy Germans think they are special. And a kebab before going out – that was messing with my head.

(I think an old lady on a respirator behind me at the café just threw bread at the back of my head!! Wtf!!!)

Drinks were at the Bier Festival of course. What timing. A long boulevard lined with German and International beer stands. I have no idea quite how long it was as we only made it 50-80 metres down, distracted by the copious number of beers for sale. We got there around 10pm….it had kicked off at lunch so it was in full swing. We were greeted by German drinking songs being sung by the inebriated.

The deal was that you buy a beer and pay a deposit for the glass it is served in. You take your mug/challis back and get it 1) refilled, 2) return it to collect your deposit or 3) pocket it as a cheap souvenir. On average the beer was €2.50 per mug. The system didn’t really work if you wanted to drink your beer whilst walking to the next stand. A stand will not serve their beer a rouge glass – they are all labelled and some are actually fancy glasses. Bit precious really.

Shortly before midnight when the carnage was coming to an end, we got talking with a large group of guys trying to skull a yard glass – they were hopeless…and English. It was a stag’s night. Quite intoxicated by this stage and in a very friendly mood (this is the English lads), they invited us to kick on with them, which included one girl in our group!

To Alexanderplatz it was. The first club was horrible with revolting beer served and they denied entry to half the guys. Across the tram tracks was Bierlin Bar (clever) – nearly got collected by a tram travelling at walking pace getting there. This place served marginally better beer from a pop-up stand. Whilst drinking our first beer here, a young guy and his mate came up to us with an assortment of stuff laid out on an old fashioned wooden cigarette tray that you hang from your neck. He was selling stuff to fund HIS upcoming wedding! So Babe, Pig in the City was purchased for €2.00….in VHS no less. The groom was then forced to carry this souvenir around for the rest of the night.

A non-exclusive “exclusive” area was infiltrated behind the bar after I walked straight into it. The lads followed suit. A DJ playing rock music and MJ. More beer and carrying on. By this stage we had accosted another three girls from Australia. At 3am, the fun police (literally) arrived and shut the place down….although poorly. In order to get the patrons out of the area, the DJ started playing “leaving music” which everyone just ended up dancing to!

Given it was a stag’s party, the next venue of choice was fairly obvious. Not knowing where to go at 4am, the groom drunkenly asked a cabbie where to find “beer and boobs”. That cabbie wasn’t very helpful but a procession of cabs eventually arrived and we were off…..had no idea where to. Taxis pull up. It didn’t look like a strip club. An iron fence with a sandy path leading to some bright lights and plenty of drunk people. We head in, pass through another iron fence/gate and end up at an outdoor club on a river bank with a sandy beach section filled with deck chairs and a separate dance stage. The sun was now trying to peak its head through the horizon. Stayed till sunrise. Home at 6am. Two other dorm beds were still waiting for their occupants to arrive.

A few crap photos as I forgot my camera that night.

One of the Bier stands at the festival.

Kasteel Dunkel...only 11% alcohol!

The groom...2nd from right next to the slob in yellow.

The private party inside Bierlin 

The dancing got a little serious when MJ was played.

4th August, 2012